something personal.

This was originally a post for my personal Facebook and after a huge response, I thought I would post it on my blog. I eventually deleted it off of my Facebook as it became too heavy but I still wanted it to be somewhere I could easily share again. 

I have a father who, as a child, experienced severe brain injury. He appears quite normal from the outside; it is a hidden disability. Although providing for me (and still does), brings laughter and love in my life, growing up there were times i completely disliked him. I have been told stories by my grandma and auntie and uncles about how he was as a child and about the accident itself. Yet, no one had ever helped me understand my dad's brain injury and the effects this had on his personality properly; to me this was just dad, nothing wrong with him, just dad. As I grew older there were times I blamed him for not acting like 'a real dad', blamed him for the stress and eventually blaming him for my mental health. Obviously brain injury effects everyone differently depending on what part of the brain has been injured. Executive Dysfuctions are a range of cognitive, emotional and behavioural difficulties that appear after injuries to the frontal lobe (like my dad).  Some of the main difficulties my dad has are impaired social skills, self-awareness, lack of attention and concentration, learning rules and controlling emotions and these effect him, those around him- mostly our family on a daily basis.

The reason I came to write this post was the other week I was in a conversation with someone who knows my dad and actually said to me 'why can't he just be nice?'. I was deeply offended but I realized I have lived with my dad all my life and still have difficulties understanding him myself, so how can I expect a stranger to understand? 

I think the main reason I wanted to post this was to make you more aware of these 'hidden disabilities' that anyone can have and not to judge before knowing their story.

This charity and website is brilliant and I encourage you all to visit. https://www.headway.org.uk 

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Brighton ft. Polaroid

I received the Fugifilm Instax Mini 8 for Christmas and it is my new favourite toy! We went on a little trip to Brighton which was the perfect opportunity to test this beautiful little camera.

Day 2

I am spending the next few days trying to cram a 3000 word uni assignment in 3 days; now this is a challenge. Another resolution that I failed to add to my post yesterday was time management. I am not bad and will always get things done right - but when it comes to the subjects I do not enjoy, my time can be all over the place. This year I will make sure I complete all my assignments at least a week before the deadline.

Make the days count.

2015: Anti Bucket List and New Years resolutions

After reading What Olivia Did's 'Anti Bucket List', I thought i'd join in and do my own 2015 in a list. This year has had a hell of a lot of downs but there were many many more ups.

• Made the decision to move back home from living at my university house after only 4 months; I am now a full time London commuter. Home sickness was affecting my work and although I would have got over it eventually, it was the best move for me,
• Passing my first year at University with a 2:1 and also starting my second year on good grounds.
• Celebrated a whole year with my boyfriend back in July-  I am incredibly lucky to have him in my life and to have him by my side through all the good and the bad.
• Bought my first car! 
• Visited my friends at their uni's- Bournemouth, Portsmouth. It was nice to see how they were settling down into this new life as students.
• Seeing Gabrielle Aplin at the Village Underground..my favourite venue.
• Experiencing my first loss of a family member
• Distanced myself from people who were bringing me down and making me feel like worse than I already did. Sometimes you feel like your obliged to have specific people in your life; whether it be your family, old friends etc. I felt like it was the healthier option for me to do so. 
• Starting a part-time job, and forever regretting the decision. 
• Travelling to Rome- experiencing the history...and the heat!
• Travelling to Portugal with my 2 girls- seeing the home of one of my close friends and her background.
• Roadtrip to the country
• Being crazily stressed for most of the year-
• Gaining 8lbs because of this.
• Saw Imagine Dragons- one of our favourite bands at the O2
• Celebrating my 20th Birthday with both new and old friends.
• Finally, university and my part-time job have pretty much taken up my entire life but I've managed to keep in touch with my closest friends and made time for my beautiful family (not enough) and I am so blessed to have them all to keep me going. 

Resolutions

•  As a second year university with a part-time job, finding time to blog is extremely difficult however, my new years resolution is to blog at least once everyday for the whole year- whether it be documenting my day, what I ate for lunch or even a quote.
• Post more regularly on Instagram ( beckylaurenm )
• I say this every year and this year will probably be no different but cleaner eating and beginning a fitness regime. 2015 has been a constant battle with my body- but this year I am hoping this will change. Losing the 8lbs I've gained will be the beginning.
• Find myself an internship and/or work experience.
• Achieve 2:1 or higher in my second year.
• TRAVEL
• Quit my job and find a weekend job that I enjoy.
• Keep a positive attitude and surround myself with positive people. 
• Become an all-round healthier person.
• Read more.
• Be more grateful of what I have in life.

Cabin in the Woods

I held my phone in the air, frantically searching for signal and some way of connecting to the world I had once known; yes, I had made it to the country. 2 hours down the M4 from London, The Cotswolds is one of the perfect places for us city kids to escape from our hectic lives and taste the fresh rural airs. I soon forgot I even owned a mobile phone. The Cotswolds is known for being ‘typically British’ and I could see why.

It is a rural area of south central England covering parts of 6 counties, notably Gloucestershire and Oxfordshire. Everywhere we turned there were ancient churches and historic houses. We had entered a fairy-tale land of rolling hills, horses and pretty little stone villages made in the 18^th century. 

Blenheim Gardens
-The Birthplace of Sir Winston Churchill

Bourton-on-the-Water

Despite the weather, it is such a lovely part of the UK to escape to. We stayed in Bluewood Lodges and they were perfect. Hot Tub and Sauna completed the trip! http://www.bluewoodlodges.com/



-the weather was mostly gloomy as this was in November and I haven't edited the photos at all, hence the gloom.

City Break: When in Rome

Reaching one year with your partner is an important milestone in a relationship and what better way to celebrate than a few days away in the city of Roma. I have created a little itinerary of all the very tourist break we had. It was James and I's first time away together as a couple and although things did not go as smoothly as we hoped, it was amazing.

Our hotel was quite a distance from the center of Rome, it was not exactly the greatest of areas but our room was quite snazzy and had an incredible shower which made up for it. We went back in July and the heat was nearly unbearable. We timed ourselves well and went out in the morning, came back to the hotel around midday and napped until it got a bit cooler- which most people do in warmer climates. We had prepped ourselves well, learning important Italian phrases and sun cream for my very pale boyfriend.

We arrived there in the evening, settled in and went to the cute Italian restaurant up the street. The restaurant looked like it belonged to a cowboy movie, it was very authentic. The food was all homemade, delicious and much cheaper that what you would find in the heart (which we later found out). 

Day 2: They are definitely not lying when they say that the Roman underground is mental because yes, yes it is. We are often complaining about London but the Roma Metro was 100    x hotter, crowded and smelly. We took the 30 min metro journey to visit the famous Colosseum, went home because of the heat and then went to the Roman Forum, The Pantheon, admired the Italian designer shops from the outside and (nearly) climbed the Spanish Steps. Barre the metro, we had the best day exploring!

One thing I was expecting but still did not know how to react to was the pushy sellers on the streets Everywhere you go, someone will always want you to purchase a selfie stick, or a picture of the pope. They lure you in by making conversation- and boy, I love conversation- and then ask for money. I do nottttt want a selfie stick; i bought one off of amazon before I arrived thank you very much.

Day 3: We left the air con on the whole night...and because of this we were feeling terrible the next morning. We had planned to visit Vatican City, however after breakfast at our hotel, we stayed in until later. We did more exploring this day, we walked through Rome's beautiful streets and witnessed the majestic Trevi Fountain...that was covered in renovation work. Have no fear, we still got to toss a coin and make a wish.

This evening was my favourite. Me and James made our way to Piazza Novana to find dinner. Piazza Novana has just got this lively, Italian atmosphere that I loved; music, painters selling paintings, the sounds of the 3 famous fountains! We sat outside with the view of the piazza and the waiter brought our food...and glass of prosecco; wonderful dining. We danced are way back on the metro and made the long journey back to our hotel.

Day 4: We had 5 hours to explore the places we did not see..or so we thought. Seeing as though we had tickets, we took a taxi to the Vatican City. St. Peter's square was beautiful, the Museums were full of stunning intricate art. The crowds pushed as they to get to the famous Sistine Chapel to see Michelangelo's masterpiece; the Creation of Adam. 

That was it. We bought one last pizza and made our way to the hotel to head back home.

We had arrived at the airport with around 2 hours to spare HOWEVER our flight operator had not informed us of our airport change. We found out as we tried to check in...and the airport we were supposed to be flying home from was an hour drive away. Frantically panicking, trying to print out our boarding passes and find taxi money- I was almost in tears. Our taxi driver was mental; Italian drivers in general are, indeed, mental but this taxi driver was on a whole other level. If it was not for this mad man, we would not have made our flight. We made sure we tipped him well. I am so thankful for James keeping his cool the whole time while I was freaking the hell out.

When we finally did get to the airport, we just laughed. 'What is life?'

First Year at #Roey

I am no longer a Fresher!

This first year at university has been the most hectic, life-changing, amazing, confusing and crazy. I originally had my heart set on the university of Bournemouth. However, after being accepted into BU, I just did not feel ready to move so far away; results day was very stressful for me but I made the decision to reject Bournemouth and  here we are at Roehampton University- just 15 minutes from the heart of London.

I found a flat and shared with 3 other lovely girls but as my family home was only 45 minutes away, (and at the time of moving out my mum was admitted into hospital), I found myself being at home for the majority of the weeks. I was also travelling home to visit my boyfriend/he would be down so often and after a few months, I moved back to my hometown; saving a lot (A LOT) of money. I was well suited to commuter life - I'll make a whole post on commuter life/tips it the future- but it doesn't mean that my student and social life was affected; I made sure I still attended all my lectures and the uni events.

I am studying Mass Communication, which is a combination of media, culture and journalism; adding a bit of variety into my studying. The lectures and seminars could sometime drag, that's the learning experience I guess... Thankfully I had a great bunch of classmates and good friends to make it bearable. OH AND I PASSED WITH A 2:1!!!!!

This post was really just about looking back on this year and how much of a different path I took to what I planned this time last year. Uni has created so many memories this year (below are a few snippets) and I am super grateful. I start my second year in two weeks and although I know it will be mostly work and no play; I know it's going to be a good one :)